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We are planning to invite all our friends and family ( total = 250 ), but money-wise, this is not feasible. I was thinking of inviting 100 ( family & closest friends ) guests for the dinner and the other 150 close friends will come after 8:00 pm for "after dinner cocktails" which would include five kinds of hot and cold cocktail foods plus an open bar throughout the evening. Will we offend the 150 guest or should we not invite them?
Isn't it delightful to have 250 friends and family who will want to wish you well and celebrate with you?
Etiquette recognizes that having vast amounts of love in your heart does not always mean having vast amounts of money in your wallet. It is certainly acceptable to invite guests to some events, but not to all events. The trick for doing this well is to avoid creating a situation where guests must be sent away from an event.
Therefore, the most important question in evaluating your plan for a split reception is this: Where and when is the ceremony taking place, and who is invited to it?
If the ceremony will take place at the reception site, then the ceremony can be attended only by the 100 guests who are invited to the dinner. It would be rude to invite guests for the ceremony, then tell them they must leave and come back later, as they don't get dinner!
If the ceremony will take place at a church, you can invite everyone. Make sure that the invitations to the cocktail-only guests state clearly that there is a gap of several hours between the ceremony and the reception, and that the reception is a cocktail hour. Guests who suddenly find they must amuse themselves in a strange city, wearing their best clothes, for four or five hours, get cranky, as do guests come ready for dinner and instead get hors d'oeuvres. Any menu at all is polite, as long as guests aren't led to expect something completely different!
Now, how do you manage the reception itself?
First, you will need at least two different invitation cards. One card invites guests to the ceremony and to the dinner reception. The second card invites the remaining guests to the ceremony (if it's at a separate site) and the cocktail reception. It is very important that the guests invited to the cocktail reception never receive an invitation that mentions the dinner reception.
Second, arrange with the caterer to have the dinner tables completely cleared of food and dishes before the second round of guests arrive at 8 pm. There should be no visible signs that there was a party that the cocktail guests were not invited to.
Third, consider changing from an hors d'oeuvres menu to a dessert menu for the second half of the party. Your dinner guests will not want more dinner-type food; it will be noticeable that some guests are interested in the cocktail buffet and others are not. Indeed, since your cocktail-hour guests will probably have already had dinner, they may not be very interested in hors d'oeuvres either. If you serve a selection of desserts, you do not need to include dessert in the sit-down dinner. All guests will eat dessert together.
Fourth, make sure you save most of the traditional wedding events, from cutting the cake to toasts to tossing the bouquet, for the later reception when everyone is present. This alone goes a long way toward convincing the late-arriving guests that they haven't missed anything important.
If the whole plan for having two receptions is starting to seem too complicated, bear in mind that you can also choose to hold one simpler reception-perhaps a cocktail buffet or dessert buffet- and invite everyone!
Original article by Wende Vyborney.
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